I went to see Cowboys and Aliens. It's got Cowboys! And Aliens! And Indians! 'nuff said! Seriously! It's what-the-fuck-tastic! Go see it! And when you did, come back and read my review. MAJOR SPOILER ALERT. If you're ready for spoilers go on ...
The story is pretty straightforward. There are Cowboys and some podunk town in the middle of the wild and dirty west (kinda like watchamacallit, the town where Dr. Quinn-Medicine Woman lives, only on the dingy side. Real dingy. Not to say seedy...) Anyhoo, so there's this lonesome Cowboy waking up in the middle of nowhere (actually there is no somewhere around so I guess anywhere is as good as nowhere...), well, he's coming to and finds himself with this fashionable new bracelet and a serious piece of his hide missing. You know the kind of thing that happens if that last tequila at the bar was bad... And guess what! He's got Amnesia!!! Yes, that's right, good ole-fashioned amnesia. My favorite plot device after the Secret Baby. I knew this was gonna be fun!!!! And boy-oh-boy was I ever right.
To make a long story short... lonesome hero rides into town, gets patched up by the preacher-man, takes care of town bully who's the son of the big cattle man in town, goes to the saloon, has some whisky, gets chatted up by mysterious but beautiful stranger with really blue eyes (female of course, it's not Brokeback Mountain, that would be too much awesometopia....), turns out to be wanted, is arrested by sheriff, gets thrown into jail, is supposed to be transported to big city, transport is held up by big cattle baron (aka town bully's father) and his possse and then - BAM - aliens come and the craptastissimo flies...
It's got it all. A motley crew straight from Dr.-Quinn-meets-Lord-of-the Ring-meets-Star-Wars. A loyal dog. A gang of Apaches on the war-path. Aliens that look like some cross between giant sow bugs and the aliens from, well, Alien. A dark and brooding, broken hero. A mysterious woman that turns out to be from outer space, too (told'ya her eyes were too blue). A seemingly hard and villainous cattle baron who underneath has a soft spot for his loyal Native American sidekick and for orphaned little boys. Said orphaned little boy. The pacifist, clumsy saloon owner called doc (presumably because of his glasses). The wise and wizened preacher. A plot with black holes that will suck any logic right to the other side of any potential wormhole. And references galore. You'll find yourself wanting to exclaim "Luke, I am you're father" and "E.T. phone home" more than once!
The movie is just so over the top, unabashedly and unpretentiously simple good fun it had me rolling with laughter. Just get yourself some popcorn, lean back and enjoy the view...
And Daniel Craig is wearing chaps. Boy-oh-boy, I gotta confess, chaps do it for me. In a Major Way! And was that camera ever caressing his fine buns lovingly....oooh la la... buns of steel! Made me think of that old song (come on girls, sing along with me): "These buns are made for riding and that's just what they do, one of these days these buns are gonna ride right up to you!"
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